KZN looters in Critical Condition After mistaking a truck transporting crocodiles for a truck transporting meat
DURBAN — A group of opportunistic looters on the N2 highway near Stanger are reportedly reconsidering their life choices after intercepting a broken-down transport truck they believed was carrying premium braai meat, only to discover they had successfully hijacked a truckload of extremely angry Nile crocodiles.
The incident unfolded early Friday morning after a specialised wildlife transport vehicle suffered a flat tyre. Within minutes, a crowd had gathered around the unmarked refrigerated trailer, convinced they had stumbled upon the bargain of the year.
According to eyewitnesses, rumours spread rapidly that the truck belonged to a major supermarket chain.
«”Someone shouted, ‘Yizo! Inside is frozen chicken and T-bone!'” recalled roadside vendor Thabo Mthembu. “The guys came running with crowbars and angle grinders. They were singing, chanting, and already arguing about whose house would host the braai. They had absolutely no idea the meat was still breathing.”»
“The chicken is hissing”
Excitement turned to absolute terror the moment the heavy steel doors swung open.
Instead of neatly stacked boxes of frozen poultry, the crowd was greeted by the unmistakable hiss of twenty-four highly agitated, three-metre-long Nile crocodiles being transported to a conservation park.
“I’ve never seen people run that fast in KwaZulu-Natal,” laughed Mthembu. “One guy had already climbed into the truck to start passing the ‘chicken’ out. Two seconds later he came flying out backwards screaming, ‘The chicken has eyes! The chicken has teeth! The chicken wants my takkies!'”
Chaos erupted as several crocodiles seized the opportunity for freedom, sliding out of the trailer and onto the highway while motorists questioned every life decision that had brought them there.
One anonymous looter, who was later spotted halfway up a nearby cellphone tower, described the traumatic experience.
«”I honestly thought it was a new type of boerewors,” he said. “Then the boerewors opened its mouth and showed me seventy teeth. I dropped my charcoal, abandoned my cooler box and accepted vegetarianism. The ancestors have spoken.”»
SAPS: “Please don’t braai the crocodiles”
Members of the South African Police Service (SAPS), together with KwaZulu-Natal wildlife officials, arrived to find the highway almost completely deserted. The only evidence of the earlier excitement was a collection of abandoned wheelbarrows, flip-flops, and one lonely bag of pap meal.
A SAPS spokesperson later issued a public warning.
“Looting is a criminal offence. We would also like to advise members of the public to inspect cargo before attempting to steal it. If your ‘free meat’ is hissing, snapping at you, death-rolling across the N2, or requires four grown adults and industrial duct tape to restrain, it is almost certainly not pork. Kindly return it to the nearest river.”
By late afternoon, wildlife officials had safely recaptured twenty-three of the crocodiles.
The twenty-fourth was last reportedly seen making its way toward a local shisanyama, apparently searching for the gentleman who had already brought the barbecue sauce.