UNZA “Phone Collectors” Land Themselves Behind Four Solid Walls
In what can only be described as a classic case of “ukubuta mwibala,” two young men, including a University of Zambia (UNZA) medical student, have gone from promising futures to acquiring free lessons in manual labor behind four solid walls. Mike Musonda, 26, and his equally adventurous friend Equinox Tembo, 24, will be learning the hard labor curriculum for the next three years after being found guilty of stealing six smartphones valued at over K14,000 from unsuspecting female students.
According to court documents, Musonda and Tembo approached their victims under the guise of offering nonexistent job opportunities. Their pitch was simple but highly suspicious: “Give us your phones so we can collect your details for official ID cards.” The unsuspecting students, perhaps dazzled by the prospect of a well-paying job in Zambia’s tight labor market, handed over their devices faster than you can say nyama soya.
The duo, operating with the precision of Lusaka’s infamous Pick n’ Pay robbers, disappeared with six phones ranging from a Samsung Galaxy M34 to a humble Techno Pop 6. Even kaponyas in Kamwala are now saying, “Ba guy aba bali sharp.” The victims only realized they had been scammed after waiting in vain for hours, hoping their new jobs would come with “free lunch” and a formal dress code.
The matter landed before Lusaka Magistrate Amy Masoja Chilangwa, who listened attentively as the two “graduates of deception” pleaded guilty to all six counts of theft. “Your Honor,” Tembo reportedly said, “We were just trying to make ends meet.” To which the magistrate replied, “Ends meet? You were cutting corners faster than Lusaka traffic in December!”
Both Musonda and Tembo offered tearful apologies, claiming they had been led astray by umupupu ukatwishisha (the hunger for quick money). However, Magistrate Chilangwa was unimpressed. She declared, “You wanted to be rich by making others poor. Go behind four solid walls and learn how to work for an honest living!” The packed courtroom erupted in laughter, except for the defendants, who had already started mentally rehearsing their prison anthem.
One of the victims, Grace Chanda, said she couldn’t believe how easily she fell for the scam. “Eh! These guys were convincing. I even thought one of them was an intern at Airtel,” she lamented. Another victim, Natasha Nyawa, added, “I just want my phone back. If I ever see them again, I will personally teach them how to harvest bondwe at my village.”
Musonda’s family, who had been saving for his graduation party, were left shaking their heads. “Instead of graduating with a stethoscope, he’ll now be holding a hoe,” his uncle said. Meanwhile, social media has erupted with memes, including one captioned, “Musonda, the doctor who forgot to take an oath of honesty.”
As the duo begins their three-year journey of reflection behind four solid walls, this saga serves as a reminder that shortcuts often lead to dead ends. As one elderly woman outside the courthouse quipped, “Stealing phones? They should have just sold chikanda like other youths. At least with chikanda, no one ends up behind four walls!”
Now, as the phones rest in police evidence lockers and the victims struggle to retrieve their lost WhatsApp groups, Lusaka is left wondering: who will the next ba muselela kwa kaba (opportunists) be? Let’s hope they stick to legal ventures—like selling tomatoes at Soweto Market.
KUMWESU JAN 14, 2025