King Mswati Claims His Weight Loss Is Due to Working 11 Jobs: “I’m a Hard-Working Man.”
MBABANE – King Mswati III has finally addressed growing speculation about his noticeable weight loss, insisting that there is no mystery behind it.
“I’m not sick,” the monarch reportedly told amused journalists. “I’m simply exhausted. People forget I work 11 jobs.”
The King explained that each of his wives has apparently appointed him to a different full-time position.
“Monday I’m a plumber because someone says the kitchen tap is leaking. Tuesday I’m a marriage counsellor after two wives argue over whose turn it is to choose the Netflix series. Wednesday I’m a professional taste tester because nobody trusts the palace chef.”
He added that Thursdays are dedicated to moving furniture after someone decides the bedroom “doesn’t have the right energy,” while Fridays are spent apologising for things he can’t even remember doing.
“Weekends are even worse,” he sighed. “There are birthdays, anniversaries, shopping trips, family meetings, and at least three conversations that begin with, ‘Can we talk for a minute?’ Those are never one minute.”
Royal insiders joked that the King’s smartwatch recently sent him a notification saying, “Congratulations! You’ve completed the equivalent of 14 marathons… just walking between royal houses.”
The King also dismissed rumours that he follows an expensive celebrity diet.
“My diet is simple,” he laughed. “By the time I’ve finished visiting all eleven households, someone has already eaten the food I was saving.”
Fitness experts were reportedly stunned after calculating that the King burns thousands of calories every week simply by answering, “Yes dear,” in eleven different tones of voice.
Meanwhile, palace accountants revealed that the royal budget for Valentine’s Day now exceeds the GDP of several small villages, with florists describing the King as their “Employee of the Year.”
Relationship experts have since praised the King’s time-management skills, although they admitted they have absolutely no idea how he remembers everyone’s favourite colour, birthday, preferred take-away order, and which conversation he promised to continue “tomorrow.”
At the time of publication, the King was said to be sprinting across palace grounds after receiving eleven simultaneous text messages reading, “Where are you?”
-The News Vine South Africa